Your test results are now available. Your urinalysis shows the presence of Mikabenitis. You should have known you were struck with it….
You swear Mika was talking about you when he sung “Bel Fanm” and when he penned “Fanm Move”. And you’re convinced that you were the inspiration for “Is This Love?” and “Lovin’ My Life”. Of course it was about you. You’re the only girl for him.
You have a treasured copy of Mika’s first album Vwayaj. You accidentally sat on it one day, but you keep the defective disk around, vowing never to discard it, and hoping that some kind of technology will be invented where you’ll be able to piece together the shattered pieces and make your beloved CD as good as new.
Through your obsessive research about Mika, you’ve learned that he has a sister named Melody. And because you don’t want to break the family tradition, immediately you think of the names for your supposed babies with Mika: For the twins: Hook Benjamin, Percussion Benjamin. And oh, the triplets (because you want to have multiple little Mikas and Mikaettes. Mè wi. Tou mare pye li): Harmony Benjamin, Bridge Benjamin, Bass Benjamin. And in case a little unexpected one comes into your brood, you have also reserved Beat Benjamin. Ah, #zobagay.
You’re so ready to meet the parents. MamaBen…PapaBen…LionBen…MeloBen…and the family pet FidoBen…heck, all the Bens and Dups.
Because you don’t want to miss a tweet of Mika’s, you make sure he’s the only one you follow on Twitter, and the only person on Facebook you clicked the LIKE button for, so your Facebook timeline doesn’t get cluttered by those non-important people like your brother Jean-Claude, sister Marie-Ginette and mommy and papi (who have no business having a Facebook anyway). And to top it off, you have a Google Alert on him, so that anytime he’s mentioned anywhere on the web, you’re the first person to know.
You already have your wedding song picked out: “What About the Benjamins”…Baby. But you don’t want the Diddy version. Your failed musician dad’s konpa band is coming out of retirement to make its own konpa troubadou version, with a little bit of rara thrown in. It’s the least that he could do now that his daughter pral nan kay pa li. There will also be an acoustic version for the church procession pou ayisyen pa pale-w mal, talking about how you’re bringing bagay mond la in the legliz.
TREATMENT
Listen to the Mika album non-stop. That’s right, get it all out of your system. Then listen to the Ayiti San Manti album back to back to back. If you don’t see any progress after following this procedure, repeat it. If you feel some progress after doing so, do go to the next section.
CURE
Get yourself a bootleg Mika. An nou wè. Surely they sell those on the black market.
